How many years can I spend testing out ideas on how I think I want to live?

There's basically two answers to this question each dictated by a different part of my brain.


The answer that I would get from my upbringing and numerous friends who have real jobs and are making money and satisfied with their lives working for the man or whatever is: go to grad school, get a job, pay off your loans, then you'll have money to travel, all the passions you have (theatre, singing, dancing, acting) you can pursue on the side, i.e. join a choir, be in community theatre

The answer from my artsy fartsy, didn't go to college, various travelers I meet, happy but only mildly successful folk struggling to find a place, mostly Grinnellians who were Arts majors of sorts: you're young, right now focus on things you can do best while your young, travel, sing, dance, act, work on your passions, try and succeed in what would make you most happy not the most money, try different things, different places to live, have as many experiences as you can then choose from the them whichever offers you the most opportunity and happiness.

Now let's be honest, life isn't that easy. There are bills and food and housing and shelter and loans and responsibilities that are not easy to shrug off and that I know I can't and wouldn't want to shrug off, but there are also people who are enjoying their time pursuing what makes them most happy and dealing somehow with the fact that all the responsibilities will be taken care of later.

How do I choose, I want to pursue theatre but I feel guilty for that for wanting to go into an area that has very little payback, for not wanting to make tons of money or at least actively try to, for not take full advantage of all my strengths and blessings.

I have a lot of strengths, there are lots of things that I'm good at, I don't want to squander anything, but how the hell do I choose...?

and as I write this deadlines are approaching and my resume is unfinished, I teach class in 13 hours and I'd rather sleep all day, everyone around me is in stable flux and I'm lost in thoughts about my future. I guess this is what is supposed to happen, has to happen...i just hope that soon I figure it all out, have a complete thought/plan/action and then i won't feel so afloat